Everyone has one...a family. You have the family you grew up with; parents and siblings. You might have another family in your adult years....kids and then the grandkids come along; that is another family. By the time you are my age you might be dealing with all three. The family unit is supposed to be where you learn, grow and thrive. But sometimes things aren't all that they seem. Yet as a parent, I made mistakes which has made it easier for me to forgive the faults of my parents. And, hopefully, my children forgave me for my faults as a parent when they became parents.
We can talk about dysfunctional families. We can talk about healthy families but I would hazard a guess that most families are a combination of both. I love seeing families doing things together and parents nurturing their kids. I love watching my kids with their kids and am happy to know in my heart they are doing a much better job than I did.
I have thought in the past, before my mom died that we (me and my siblings) were pretty good as a family. But somehow, I realize she was the glue that held our family together. Somehow we are drifting apart a bit and there are a few wedges coming between us. It is sad to me that I feel this way as I always thought our family did pretty good despite ourselves :) But I have learned something about forgiveness. I am not always right and the other person is not always right. I have been reading
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. A few quotes from the book.
"Nothing clarifies boundaries more than forgiveness. To forgive someone means to let him off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge that you want, it
keeps you tied to him forever. Refusing to forgive a family member is one of the main reason people are stuck for years, unable to separate from their dysfunctional families. They still want something from them. It is much better to receive grace from God....This ends your suffering , because it ends the wish for repayment that is never forthcoming and makes your heart sick because your hope is deferred (Prov13:12)
If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to forgive, even if it is only confession of what he did. This "ties" him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free."
It definitely makes sense to me.